Newscaster Nolan: Why does he want us to do this?! This is a COG show, and last I checked, I'M NOT A COG!

Reporter Riley: I think that delirious duck said something about "having 0% of the Toon market" and us helping to improve that.

Newscaster Nolan: Maybe if the show wasn't produced by Cogs, that wouldn't be an issue!

Reporter Riley: You're saying this to me as if I WANT to help him improve his ratings!

Newscaster Nolan: Well, last I checked, we're-

Bagholder: Can you two rotten weasels just read the script already?!

Newscaster Nolan and Reporter Riley: FINE!

Newscaster Nolan: "Now, live from the Brass & Shipping District..."

Reporter Riley: "The only show that treats Cog fusion as something that can actually happen," thank goodness...

Newscaster Nolan and Reporter Riley: "It's HIGH ROLLER'S HIGH ROLLER!"

Newscaster Nolan: "And now, presenting the star of High Roller's High Roller, the mo..." do I have to include the accent?

Bagholder: Read it!

Newscaster Nolan: No! I will not demean myself by being forced to put on a ridiculous accent! 

Reporter Riley: Ugh, let me read it.

Newscaster Nolan: Do not help him!

Reporter Riley: "Now presenting 'the mofft mellifulouff anaff platyrhynchoff,' it's the High Roller!"

High Roller: HELLO, ffitiffenff of Meffo Melodyland! You've ffo graaciouffly ffeated my prifftine preffenffe in you homeff, and thiff mofft prefftigiouff ffalute to my fftyle iff ffomething I cheriffh.

Newscaster Nolan: Do you have any idea what he just said?

Reporter Riley: I think it was something about toast.

High Roller: FOLKFF, ffhowrunning the mofft ffenffational ffhow in Ffuitopia haff ffhown me jufft how fferiouff thiff buffineffff iff to you, my fanff. 

Newscaster Nolan: Does the toast have butter on the top side or the bottom side?

Reporter Riley: Not now, we've got an ad break soon.

High Roller: FFO, becauffe of thiff, I've deffigned a ffhiny new verffion of the ffhow format you ffign on to ffee! We've ffized up ffo many ffecret adjufftmentff that your ffhoeff will collapffe!

Reporter Riley: Can you tell us about these adjustments?!

High Roller: Ah, my mofft ffilly newffpaperperffon, it'ff not ffo ffimple! You mufft ffee the ffhow to ffee the ffhiftff!

Reporter Riley: Oh. I guess we'll have to wait and see the show.

Newscaster Nolan: I can't tell if you're on his side or not.

Reporter Riley: The sooner we play along with the program, the sooner we'll get to go home.

Newscaster Nolan: Well, I'm not going to play along with this ridiculous game show! Hey buddy, those Low Ballers have been carrying this program for years!

High Roller: I'm mofft diffappointed to be ffubject of thiff abuffe, Miffter! And ffo are my ffpectatorff! Why, don't you ffee Thomaff'ff ekffpreffffion? He lookff ffo ffad, almofft like he'ff lofft ffomething...

Reporter Riley: Do you think he's hinting at something, Nolan?

Newscaster Nolan: I'm still thinking about toast.

High Roller: And theffe mofft fftupendouff adjufftmentff aren't confftricted to thiff ffhow! My ffuperviffing cronieff in the Ffellbot Factory have ffeaffoned their ffhindig with new trapff and weaponff that will be ffure to ffend you ffky-high and back to your reffidenceff! But don't ffeize on my ffoundbiteff - affk them!

Factory Foreman: Yes.

High Roller: FANTAFFTIC!

Newscaster Nolan and Reporter Riley: ...

Bagholder: Do the ad read!

Newscaster Nolan: Oh yeah! Ahem, "High Roller's High Roller will be back soon!"

Reporter Riley: "In the meantime, please listen to this word from our sponsor."

Newscaster Nolan: Who's paying to sponsor this?

Reid Stock: Howdy, y'all! Name's Reid, and this is my business partner, Lynn.

Lynn Decisive: Heya, folks. Long time no see.

Reid Stock: We're here with an open message to all y'all good folks of Toontown! Includin' that certain pair of newsies over there.

Newscaster Nolan: How do they know we're here?!

Reporter Riley: Wait, is this a live feed?

High Roller: Of courffe, you ffenffible ffcallywagff! The ffponffored fftreamingff of thiff ffhow of ffkill mufft never ceaffe.

Lynn Decisive: To any Toons watching High Roller's High Roller, boy, have we got an offer for you.

Reid Stock: Bless his heart, but he and them Low Ballers are just about charm-free!

Lynn Decisive: Yeah, we don't think much of him, his promotional agents, or his show. So we're here to spice things up with a pitch of our own.

High Roller: Thiff makeff me ffo ffad! But the ffponffor'ff ffpread the ffimoleonff.

Reid Stock: Simoleons? Lynn, I thought you said we weren't payin' him!

Lynn Decisive: I paid him with chocolate coins, they have no value.

High Roller: They have taffete value! Mofft deliciouff!

Reid Stock: Anyway, y'all wanna see somethin' cool?

Lynn Decisive: Check it out. We've got t-shirts, hats, sweaters, stickers...

Reid Stock: Wait, I don't remember seein' any stickers from our supplier. Where'd ya get that?

Lynn Decisive: Um... high-stakes fishing.

High Roller: I jufft LOVE high fftakeff! Wheelff ffpinning, diffe rolling, COGBUCKFF FFTACKING!

Newscaster Nolan: Hey Lynn, do you think you could help us out a bit? As opposed to, you know, sponsoring the show?

Lynn Decisive: Are you giving me a hard time, Nolan? Here I was, thinking I'd give you a discount after all this. Oh well...

Newscaster Nolan: Don't take away the discount! I like that you're sponsoring the show!

Reporter Riley: I don't think you need to go that far, Nolan.

Reid Stock: Now, now, be nice to him, darlin'. The two of them are in a pickle right now.

Lynn Decisive: Ok, ok, if only for you, Stock. Now where were we?

Reid Stock: Listin' our wares?

Lynn Decisive: Riiight. So yeah, we've got all kinds of styles. Casual, silly, scary, you name it. Anything Elphabat and Hexadecimal had, we have too!

Reid Stock: Y'know, I'll miss those two, but I'm glad they're on to spookier pastures. Remember how they were always introducing themselves?

Lynn Decisive: Yeah, as if we'd get confused about who they were.

Reporter Riley: I thought it was helpful!

Reid Stock: Fair enough, darlin'. Now, I think it's about time Lynn and I get our store ready for everyone. If y'all are ever in the playgrounds, come check us out! Y'all might find something ya like!

Lynn Decisive: Unless you're a Cog, that is. My business partner is the owner of the Gag n' Go, after all.

Reid Stock: Y'all will regret it!

Lynn Decisive: Have a good rest of your show.

Reid Stock: I don't know about that, Lynn. Except for the newsies. Hope y'all get out of there safely!

Newscaster Nolan: Was that the whole ad?

Reporter Riley: I guess so. Time for the transition back to the program! Ahem...

Newscaster Nolan: ...

Reporter Riley: Oh, I thought you were going to interrupt me.

Newscaster Nolan: Why would I interrupt you?

Reporter Riley: I don't know, you just seem like you're in a bad mood.

Newscaster Nolan: Not on account of you! I still don't think we should be announcing this.

Reporter Riley: Like I said, the sooner we play along, the sooner we can go home.

Bagholder: Are you two done with the CPU-to-CPU?

Newscaster Nolan and Reporter Riley: What?

Bagholder: You know what I mean.

Newscaster Nolan: I actually don't, but-

Reporter Riley: "And now, returning to the stage, it's the HIGH ROLLER!"

High Roller: The ffpotlightff ffhine ceremonoiuffly on my ffhadowy figure! Or iff it the ffhadow that emergeff from the ffpotlightff?

Reporter Riley: Do you think the subtitles for this program include the accent?

Newscaster Nolan: Ask me in ten hours when I've convinced myself that this isn't a dream.

High Roller: Yet it ffeemff that thiff ffcintillating hofft mufft fflink fftage left! If you're ffeeming fearleffff, ffwing by, ffee the ffhow, and fftep on fftage! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Bagholder: Okay, filming's done, you two can go now.

Reporter Riley: Well, that was interesting.

Newscaster Nolan: This is a stain on my spotless announcing record! I will never recover from this!

Reporter Riley: Eh, you'll be fine. You want to get something to eat?

Newscaster Nolan: I'm craving toast.

From the Corporate Clash Crew

Welcome to the 1.11.0 April Toons' 2025 update! While we're still hard at work on the Hammerspace update, we made some changes to the beloved High Roller battle to make it more enjoyable, plus we introduced some QoL and performance changes due for the Hammerspace update so they can benefit YOU, the players, today.

From now until May 4th, 2025, enjoy all that April Toons' Month has to offer:

• The April Toons' event boss, The High Roller, has returned to The Musical Master of Melody on Tenor Terrace to host his Game Show. Suitable for Toons of all levels, come join the fun and get special items when you win!
  • To save you the trouble of running back and forth, the Low Ballers stationed at each playground will happily teleport you to the ticket office for easy access to the show.
• Lynn Decisive and Reid Stock are ready to trade! These two are bringing back all the Shkrafting Shop cosmetics you could want, plus a few more surprises! Be sure to pay them a visit; they're stopping by every playground in Toontown! 
• Find the Family has returned to the Sellbot Factory! Face waves of impersonator Facility Managers until the real ones show their faces.
  • And if you're really made of tough stuff, Overclocked Face the Family will push you to the limit... Get those Gag-ger counters ready and prepare yourself to take on some highly unstable Cogs.
• Boredbot's HQ has once again opened its doors to visitors new and old! Head to the end of Twilight Terrace, through the tunnel, and up the elevator to have a chat with the Chief Operating Officer. You might just get a special prize...

You can find the changelog HERE.

This year, the April Toons' Comic, contributed by all staff, partners and QA helpers, will see Reid Stock go on the High Roller's Free Cruise! You can read the comic HERE.

Thank you to all of our players who keep us moving forward, and to our Crew members for all of their hard work - you can see a list of crew members who contributed to this update HERE. If you would like to help us make Corporate Clash even better, join our crew today!